Whoduhthunkit!?

Well I’m figuring that since I told y’all that I was going camping, you might want to know how this All Indoor Girl did. Allow me first to say that if you do NOT have a cup of something hot to drink and a bit of time to kill don’t read ahead ‘cause in a history of long-ass posts this is a LONG-ASS POST!

Allow me ALSO to say that you need not invest in Coleman stocks ‘cause I aint buyin’ yet but…well judge for yourself:

Friday -

We arrive at the campsite in the dark, first stop is the WRONG spot (right troop - wrong den) but someone from OUR den spots us and trots over to guide us and our vehicle with a lantern to the RIGHT spot. We get there and unload and ALL the kind souls there in our den help us set up our very first tent. We heart our den members. I get the interior of the tent paved with air mattresses and 2 dozen or so (it seems - relax) quilts and sleeping bags. Also, DVD player, CD player, MP3 player, books, clothes, medicine kit (we are herbalists not allopathists so I have to have my own "stuff"), and my tea supplies (cause bears aren’t the ONLY scary things in the woods if I don’t have my tea). I put the car back in the lot where it belongs, hike back to camp, and then realize that I have to undress and PJ up my 5 year old, in 40 degree weather…he finds this immensely amusing and without complaint allows it and then snuggles up inside his sleeping bag and under the huge comforter I brought along. DVD player on and he’s happy. Well sort of…even the DVD player thought it was too cold and it ran VERY slowly…loading was a long project and then it skipped and hesitated all over the place. Cubscout himself also got dressed, shivering and giggling the whole time, and since he weighs about 60 lbs whilst soaking wet with rocks in his pockets I figure he’s going to have a hard time staying warm. No complaints from him either and he’s back OUT of the tent and around the fire with the other cubbies roasting marshmallows (actually they were setting them afire and running around shrieking with laughter but I digress….) whilst I boil a pot of water and make some tea for me. I have to fortify myself see…’cause I TOO have to get undressed and in PJ’s….*shudder*.

Around 9:30 or so 5 year old announces (little voice from the tent) that he is very tired now and could Mama "please come and snuggle me warm so I can go night night". Cubscout agrees too and we all zip ourselves in, the boys cover their heads while I change, and we get deep in the covers to watch the end of "Cars" and drift off to sleep. I have a really good sleeping bag so I am quite warm but my face is warning me that it will get COLDER and I will pay for this with some SERIOUSLY dried out skin. At about 10:30 5 year old informs me that he is not really warm enough and could he please get in the sleeping bag with me. I agree and we drift off. At 1:15 in the morning I wake up to…cold…zombies’ tit in a brass bra cold…and a smell…and a 5 year old informing me that he smells "nasty chicken soup". One side of me is soaked, as is 5 year old. I learn (from Cubscout) that 5 year old downed 2 large cups of hot cocoa while I was setting up our camp and then hiking back from the parking lot. Now I am wearing at least half of it while 5 year old is wearing the other half. RIGHT through his pull up. We change AGAIN in even COLDER temps than the first time and then, tossing aside the wet sleeping bag we hunker down under what remains and pull the covers over our heads. It takes about 30 minutes but I finally stop shuddering and begin to feel my fingertips and toes again. Now I have to pee. BADLY. I wish the 5 year old well, leave the tent (after putting on shoes and jacket), and "hit the head" which is about a block away (if one were on a road) and there is FROST on the FUCKING TOILET SEAT!!!!! It’s not that I am going to SIT on a public toilet seat but SHIT…FROST…who camps in this weather!? Me that’s who….so I hover and head back. Under the covers again and 45 minutes later…guess what? I gotta pee…AGAIN…WTF?  I’ll cut it short and tell you that these nocturnal toity hikes caused numbness and a rousing game of "stay awake" from 1:30 am until 7:30 am. All the while between pot hopping I lay shivering and wishing I had the brass set it required to walk to the lot, get the minivan, and drive thru all of the sleeping people to get the kids (and myself) warm inside a running vehicle.

Saturday:

At 7:45 after a little giggling and snuggling to try and pick the day up, I gave up, got up, got *shudder* dressed, and got some hot coffee (feh) into me. Another Den Mom assisted by keeping Cubscout with her whilst I took 5 year old HOME, bathed us BOTH, and laundered my sleeping bag. It took 3 hours to launder and dry the sleeping bag but by then I had defrosted and was ready for a new day. The weather had warmed up enough and by the time we got there it was LOVELY. The rest of the day was SO lovely in fact that I looked forward to the WARMER night in the tent and a REALISTIC camping experience.

Until we discovered that Yahoo Weather predicted a wind and rain storm that had a possible 1 inch or more accumulation.

Tents don’t stand up to that type of treatment.

Neither do I.

We decamped in RECORD time and went HOME (which is so much more LUXURIOUS now that I have had time and reason to consider it). I was still shivering most of Saturday night in my own bed but by Sunday morning (which dawned without ANY rain thank you very much) I was warm and recovered enough to unload the minivan.

If camping was more like Saturday during the DAY I would enjoy it. Time with the kids, hiking in a beautiful forest, adults to talk to, and enough of a clearing to let the kids run hog wild and wear themselves out without endangering themselves. It was nice. Winter camping however…this is not for the faint of heart or thin of skin or parent of a child with a small bladder.

We will try ONE more time in better weather and see how we fare. I survived it and am richer for the experience.

At least I have a GREAT story to tell 5 year old’s fiance *evil grin* when he least expects it…