When is it neglect?
So a couple of days ago ThingThree went in for his outpatient surgery to correct a fluid related hearing loss in his left ear . I was not pleased that he was having it done; both the "cutting open (however small) of my baby", and the suddenness (seeming) of the decision that it needed to be done kind of ruined two weeks for me. I had it done regardless, the lad has had this fluid behind his eardrum significantly inhibiting his hearing since August and no matter what he was given, the fluid stayed. Compound this with how mad I was that I never noticed he had a hearing loss (until the school tested it a as matter of routine) AND the fact that I have discovered that Dr.’s by and large lie to parents ; antibiotics given to achild who has fluid behind his eardrum(s) NEVER does anything to relieve the fluid. It’s something to give the child to (a) pacify the parent and (b) PREVENT the possibility of a possible REvisit when the fluid developes into an infection…MAYBE. The fluid is not really dealt with and the Doc just hopes the kid dries up and that’s that. The ENTs give the kids alllergy meds (for the drying up and opening of passages) in the hopes of actually dealing with the FLUID. I was fairly mad at myself for not knowing these things well into the childhood of child #3. 4 visits/4 months to the doctor did nothing. 3 in two weeks to the ENT and voila surgery/hearing dealt with. So I am feeling a bit like I haven’t done my job because ThingThree went through this for so long. Guilt…
But on the other hand…
I could be the mother I witnessed at a local pizza joint/party house/video arcade which is the deep South’s local answer to Chuck E. Squeeze. THIS mother spent her hours at the joint alternately playing with her child and walking away from her child to socialize with others. Now the playing is great and socializing wouldn’t have been so inappropriate if the child she was walking away didn’t appear to be just a nostril hair over a year old and seemed to have only recently mastered walking. Aside from the fact that the child was walking barefoot all over the joint, she was also very unsteady in a crowded room, there are electric plugs everywhere (huge video arcade ones that plug into the floor under or behind these games - a space Little Bit could EASILY get into and we all know kids that age WILL get into these spaces), and there isn’t a kid that age in the universe who won’t put everything they find into thier mouths.
I spent quite a lot of my time there hovering over my three kids, 2 of whom are 10 or over so hovering is quite unnecessary unless you are concerned with big burly bouncer sized child snatchers (I’m a little over the top worried about child snatching), and ThingThree who is under 6. Still…I felt like I NEEDED to be protecting this other child who was not my own because people shouldn’t just leave a child, regardless of parentage, alone KNOWINGLY to hurt itself. Still, I was there to have pizza and a good time with my kids so I let my attention wander from the child that was not my own.
And she fell.
Out of a race car type game.
18 inches to 2 feet from the ground.
Bouncing off the base first.
Momma wasn’t there by her side while she was in the race car game. Momma was off talking to a friend.
I saw it all just a little too late - as baby was upside down tumbling out of the game.
I later found out that (a) Momma had put baby in the game to take her picture on the cell phone camera. (B) Momma LEFT her in the race car game to go show someone the picture (c) Baby ended up going to the hospital for xrays because one arm was messed up and the arm apparently was fractured.
So why do I feel guilty??? I feel like I SHOULD have seen it sooner and I could have rushed over to get baby down from the game properly. Who leaves a baby unattended that high off the ground???? Was it just Momma who should have been held responsible or every adult in the joint that noticed that the child was unattended in a dangerous situation? What if baby had fallen on her head? Am I wrong to feel guilty about this? I know I can’t protect every child but sheeeeeeeit….
Who protects kids from neglect and what defines neglect? Is that gut feeling of "this is just WRONG!" a good gauge or is there something I am missing? And are both instances neglect or am I being too overprotective? Am I expecting more out of parents than I should? Here I am ticked off that my son went through about 2 months more with this hearing thing than he should have and some woman out there has a broken kid.
Why don’t these kids come with instructions….
i would be very interested in hearing more about the fluid in your sons ear as well as the type of surgery he/she had.
my two year old was so grouchy for three seeks, and he is normally a cheerful bubbly boy. no fever, no upset tummy, no ear tugging, but one night we took him in to the ER sure he was dying, he fell and started screaming and did not stop.
His left ear was very infected! I had no idea, other then iritabillity he had none of the classic symptoms. he was put on antibiotics for the infection and i took him to our family doctor the following week, to make sure he was getting better.
His infection is going down quite well, but the doc said he has fluid built up and that he would be surpised if my son can hear at all out of that ear. I am to bring him back in two weeks from now to evaluate teh fluid level, see if it is the same, more or has gone down.
please help me! Id like to be educated on this when i go to the doctors!
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Comment by bluepaintred — January 9, 2007 @ 6:08 pm
Hmmm….that’s a very, very good question. So often, as parents, we’re caught between feeling like we’re being overprotective, or berating ourselves for perceived lapses. Still, in a situation like that, in a chaotic, turbulent environment, (with ample opportunity for the snatching of an unattended child) I don’t think young children should be left unattended at all, and a toddler is especially vulnerable amongst all those unsafe (to her) contraptions and older children. I certainly think that the mother should bear the primary responsibility, but I also think that as good human beings, it is our responsibility to care for each other.
That being said, I don’t think that you shoud necessarily feel guilty for that little girl’s accident. You had your hands full with your own children. You did a good thing by watching over this other child as much as you did.
Comment by Jessica — January 9, 2007 @ 6:31 pm
I am a hoverer as well, especially at that place. Its too easy of a target for kidnappers.
Comment by R*belle — January 9, 2007 @ 11:54 pm