A Saturday Morning Open Memo to The Dog
Attention Mutt…
You have hereby been declared noxious and unfit for human companionship. It is with this judgement in mind that you have been relegated to the Bathing And Tidying House (B.A.T.H) forthwith. You are ordered to commence with the sitting of still and the being of good during your B.A.T.H compliance period so that you may be (a) Cleaned (b) Deodorized and (C) Disinfected down to your very last spot. During this compliance period please be aware that you may be handled with prejudice as you smell offensive whilst dry and smell even more so whilst wet. There may be such utterances as "eww" and "oh my GAWD" either under the breath of or whilst holding the breath of said attending B.A.T.H. Specialist. You will be expected to endure the following cycles of the B.A. T. H. Routine:
- Lather
- Rinse
- Repeat
Until such time as you are deemed once again fit for humanity at large. Failure to follow any and all of the B.A.T.H. Routines herein described may result in actions of extreme prejudice such as:
- Being chased by a screaming B.A.T.H. Specialist
- Being chased by Assistants to the B.A.T.H. Specialist who tend to TACKLE as their prime method of takedown.
- The use of a cold water hose outside the B.A.T.H. rather than the warm and commodious facilities originally perscribed.
- Impact Language
- Suspension of the traditional "Cookie Afterwards" reward system.
At this time we would like to thank you in advance for your prompt attention to this matter as you are beginning to "jack up" the household at large.
Sincerely,
The Senior Non Commisioned Officers’ Wife aka The Psycho-Hose Beast.
