Whoduhthunkit!?

These are thoughts that have been floating around in my head and causing me to mutter venomously to myself. I thought that especially around this time of year it might be best to get them out and stop the "muttering darkly" thing before my clients stop bringing their kids by…

1.) A scenario: A woman - has three kids & opens a Daycare. To date, one of her three kids has (a) refused to listen and fucked around under the desk until the fully loaded desk DRAWER collapsed on her and crushed her nose causing a gusher (b) refused to listen and did SOMETIHNG unknown with a KNIFE and sliced the webbing between her thumb and forefinger so badly she was again gushing blood and this time required an emergency room trip, stitches, yadda yadda. Same woman has thus far managed to leave her toddler in the pickup truck unattended in the 90 degree summer weather for at LEAST 15 minutes. Yes…in the driveway alone in the vehicle. Luckliy the door was open but sheesh…and why? ‘cause she went inside with her other two kids and FORGOT THE BABY WAS STILL IN THE CAR! The point of all this? She opened a Daycare folks…need I go on? That bothers me.

2.) The Spirit of GETTING. It’s Xmas and for some reason despite my best efforts my kids are all ultra fixated on what they are GETTING rather than excited over what they are GIVING. Two years ago they had a wonderful time shopping for a family we adopted for the holidays, imagining the reactions of each child and adult over the gifts we were buying and wrapping. Last year they each shopped secretly with their own money and then hid their gifts to be wrapped on a secret day in a secret way and they had a BLAST. The eyes shining THAT Xmas were all over the reactions of their family members to what they had handpicked, paid for, and wrapped all on their own. They had to be reminded to open what they were holding because they were too busy watching others open THIERS. This year it’s WHINE about what Mommy is buying THAT brother or MOAN about the state of their CURRENT toys and how come THIS guy gets THAT cool new toy? I’m fucking cancelling Xmas.

3.) Gushing - Sister in Law GUSHING about the newest baby in the family about how she is SOOO absoutely head over heels about this baby and has NEVER felt this way about a niece or nephew before and he is just SOOO wonderful and "something about him" wahh wahh wahwahwahhhhh… I know you bitch. NOTHING has "moved you more", ever, than yourself and as far as you are concerned if the universe isn’t revolving around your flabby ass, something has gone unfair and wrong. Your’e all talk and busy trying to impress people with the fact that you aren’t a C**T since I called you on being a lying ass bitch and a fucking troublemaker…and it scared you that nobody wanted to alienate ME over it but rather told YOU that I had some valid points. So now we use a baby, an innocent, to try and look good. Fuck you.

3)"Free Spirit" - Hey sweetheart, if I put myself out to be there for you…you know…watch your kid regardless of the fact that I have to take my own to the doctor because YOU have no reliable alternate care…could you PLEASE leave the free spirit Christ’s Child thing at home??? When I ask "Can you drop the baby off BY 8:00 am?" and you say YES that means BY 8:00 am not around or as soon AFTER 8:00 am. That means make dropping this kid off a fucking priority, move your selfish ass out of control brood out the fucking door with the toe of your fucking shoe if you need to and get to my house ON FUCKING TIME. I am already going to be late because I am going out of my way for YOU…don’t be a platinum plated fucktard and screw me even further. Thanks.

4) Control Freak - your kid has had to go to the emergency room twice already with a dislocated elbow and I KNOW you hate it when your environment leaves your control zone. You can’t even let your eldest kid walk out the door without an outfit put together and approved by you. Don’t LET me find out that the toddler’s elbow went out of joint NOT simply because she was "playing on the monkey bars and jumped" or "doing GAWD knows what and all of a sudden….". If I suspect that you grabbed and dragged this kid by the arm causing a dislocation your ass is talking to the county. Nobody’s life is 100% under their control. Others have minds and opinions from your adult all grown up capable husband to your kids. You can NOT control them so knock it off. If you can’t control your mouth or your temper what do you imagine would give you the right to control the lives and choices of others? The poor kid cries when I look at her sternly for unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper…what’s THAT? I said "No No" to her the other day for taking off her own pull-up during nap time and she practically dissolved. I’ll be watching you.

There now. Maybe I’ll stop acting sinister…but then again maybe not. Either way I made the effort and I for one feel better. You just can’t go around laying people out verbally around the holidays. It ain’t POLITE LOL.

Have a day.