Whoduhthunkit!?

Me and my…shit…I get bored so I go to read some of my favorite bitches and first one I hit is a MANBITCH (well I really do like the guy so he should consider it a compliment that I call him MANBITCH ‘cause bitches are my FAVORITE people). I got freakin’ TAGGED! GAH! So here I am…a fucking MEME on my hands:

 

Life Meme  (HUGE shout out to Creative Dad) - THANKS BITCH!!! ROFL

1. What time is it? 20 minutes to HELL:O’CLOCK. - kids due home from school; 9 of ‘em.

2. What is your full name? Our Lady of The Iron Underpants (or so my son’s assume)

3. What are you most afraid of? Outliving ANY of my children.

4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a theater? Pirates of the Caribbean Two and STILL pissed off over the last 30 minutes.

5. Have you ever seen a ghost? By definition shouldn’t those dudes be like…transparent?

6. Where were you born? *sigh* I hate this one - in a hospital.

7. Ever been to Alaska? No but that WOULD be a cool destination.

8. Ever been toilet papering? No - I grew up in the Nazi Home for Underprivileged Girls. No Outside at Night, Curfew at dark. I was even too smart to go papering in the broad daylight way back then.

9.Loved someone so much it made you cry? Still do.

10. Been in a serious car accident? Oh Hell to the yeah.

11 Do you plan to have any more Children? FUCK. NO.

12. Favorite day of the week? Friday

13. Favorite Restaurant? Due Torri (New York - Italian cuisine - pricey but nicey)

14. Favorite Flower? Lavender

15. Favorite color? Blue

16. Favorite sport to watch? My husband - trying to remove his foot from his mouth while standing.

17. Favorite Drink? Bailey’s Irish Cream

18. Favorite Ice Cream? Rum Raisin

19. Favorite fast food restaurant? Does Chinese Food count if they cook it ultra-quick?

20. What color is your bedroom carpet? Ee gad…I think it was called "wicker". A light beige with flecks of cinnamon, black, and brown (minute flecks) VERY shaggy cool texture.

21. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? 0

22. What do you do when you are bored? Apparently it’s filling out MEMEs

23. What time is your bedtime? As soon as freaking possible.

24. Favorite TV shows? Dead Black Screen - I hate TV

25. What are you most grateful for? opposable thumbs ‘cause it’s all gravy from there aint it?

26. What are you listening to right now? A 15 month old gagging as she tries to sleep through her dripping head cold.

27. How many pets do you have? umm *does mental finger count* 6

28. Which came first the chicken or the egg? One would assume it was the Rooster actually ‘cause if the rooster don’t - nobody does - savvy?

29. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Everything on my list.

Tag- If you want to try any of these, just leave a comment. I’ll link to you here.

Last night my neighbor called me with an odd request - to please make some sort of deal with him where his son watched my kids while I take HIS kid to a masquerade party up at her school. Now this sounds pretty innocuous right? Well if you don’t know this guy it is, so I’ll give you that…however…he also starts waffling about…"Well…I go back to night shift and my boss…" - I mean complete with dotdotdot between - and I know this guy - he’s praying that YOU will fill in his dotdots with "my boss is a fucking chowderhead and won’t give me the time off to spend with my little girl." I however KNOW the neighbor. Let’s try this instead - "I really don’t want to have to ask for time off for something as silly as this. I wouldn’t be caught dead even showing up at one of these girlie things much less spend hours there."

Now go ahead and nuke me with that top o’ the right corner X if I’m wrong but…ummm dude…this is YOUR kid. You refuse to take her to the local theme park - EVER…other people in the neighborhood have to because you can’t stand waiting in lines while she rides the rides and you hate how she gets hyper. You refuse to go to the movie theater because the seats are uncomfortable. If she wants ANY hope of being "one with the others" and seeing a movie BEFORE it’s out on DVD and the kids are three generations in new movies ahead of her - OTHERS have to take her. No fairs (too much walking around and she gets hyper), no school events (such as this party), and no days with just her simply because she’s your kid. Oh it’s not like you don’t adore her, I know you do - she’s otherwise spoiled and loved and cuddled but on YOUR terms and what doesn’t make YOU uncomfortable or inconvenienced.

Well your shit is starting to inconvenience ME.

I’ve taken this child to several festivals, fairs, holiday events, out for dinner, and to the theme park. I’ve frequently done it on my own cash too because you WILL send her with an entry fee to the theme park (but forget she needs to eat or drink or MAY want to buy a small trinket), or you just flat send her with NOTHING and if I take her AND want her to get in (rather than leave her in the car with the window down three inches and a bowl of water available I suppose), I have to pony up the sheckles.

She’s NOT MY KID! Oh I find her nice and though a bit hyper (FUCK! If YOU only got to go anywhere as rarely as SHE did wouldn’t YOU get a little over-stimulated???), and kind of wearing (she doesn’t listen terribly well) but she’s affectionate and always grateful.

Show some fucking spleen man…you and your ex HAD this child - you wanted custody ALL the time (that means for Fairy Princess Puffy Pants Parties too dude!) so GO WITH HER! I’m in the OTHER boat and I can do this. The football games, karate lessons, endless Cubscout meetings with knots and fire making and learning how to use a pocket knife *GAH*, long hours waiting in a corner and drooling with boredom while the nearly pubescent-male tries on EVERY pair of pants in the ENtire store because they all look "too girlie" - as if the pants confer the balls…

Dude if I can do this so can you. Don’t call a female neighbor (at this point you are wondering aloud if one or the other of your OTHER two female neighbors will take her - you aren’t wondering if any of the DADDY’S on the block will and a couple of them have daughters that will be there WITH their Daddy’s.).

If you can hit a bar and then take a 24 year old home and tap ass (and NOT feel stupid or maybe a little uncomfortable at the thought that she might ONLY be throwing you a fucking leg because she is too drunk to care that you are (a) overweight (b) old enough to be her fucking FATHER, or (c) just plain crude and this promises to be a disgusting one nighter ONLY and you won’t want conversation afterwards…EVER.)…you can certainly take your little girl to the school party on a Tuesday night. Instead you’d rather ask ME to get one of my MALE relatives to take MY SON to his Cubscout meeting so I can take YOUR DAUGHTER to her party.

Or are YOU afraid you may bump into something you fucked one night while the BOTH of you were hammered and she’ll want to talk to you? In front of your little girl? And make references to having "known" you? ‘Cause you sex up very very YOUNG women with zero in the brain pan?

Whatever dude…deal with it, take your own kid to her party, after long thought during my nightly review of my day I decided this was bogus. I am not making any effort to make your life easier if you can’t "man up" and be truthful. Go rent a sprarkly pair of tights and hit the medieval party with your little girl. We’ll ALL remember the evening and your daughter will feel like her father really DOES care.