Whoduhthunkit!?

So Saddam is done.

I sort of expected to feel something other than this…I don’t know kind of blech feeling. I mean they HUNG the guy - how very dark ages. "They ended his life the way he ended so many others". Dunno…I think it’s sort of an anticlimactic. How about feeding him some hallucinogens and letting him deal with his dead demons and perhaps showing him videos of people having their heads cut off with dull knives BEFORE giving him the electric chair? Did he suffer? I don’t think so. Did the folks he had murdered and tortured - you betcher ass they did. And their families. But am I blood thirsty about this? No - I just think his death served no purpose other than to keep him from ever taking power again. It seems a vast majority of these people we "freed" don’t really WANT to be freed or they are assinine enough to think that if they remain LOYAL they won’t be murdered and their families will be safe and they may get rewarded if he or his cronies step back into office. *shrug* Freakin’ tribal mentality. I do wonder, however, how he feels now that he has "reached Allah" and discovered that his virgins are not waiting for him and that there is a special place reserved for animals like him and it AIN’T at the side of Allah as a martyr.

My main concern now is my husband. There are some out of control freaks there who REALLY wanted him (Saddam) released back out into the mainstream of the general public and they are dealing with some twisted britches about his death. Folks over there bomb shit when their britches are in a twist. It’s freaking amazing to me how folks over there preach about how Muslims are a peaceful lot and their response to EVERYTHING it seems is to murder as many around them as they can before taking themselves out. Here they are given a chance to live life FREE, have their daughter’s educated, never worry about saying whatever is on their minds lest their families be put to slow gruesome deaths, and they are KILLING people because of it. The desert surely warps the mind. So long as they don’t take my husband with them I say let them kill themselves and when the smoke rises and the fighting stops, clean up and let God start all over there…what a waste.

And the really sad part? There are some truly happy and grateful folks there who are finally free and finally living without day to day fear. These people are delighted - and they are dying too. These were the people my husband went over there to help. That’s the true tragedy. Those who really value freedom and have finally been handed a chance…it’s being taken away yet again by these radical idiots who aren’t happy unless there is suffering and dying in the streets and behind closed doors. I’d say "Kill’em all and let God sort’em out." but there are people there who truly deserve our efforts - the children - the ones who have wished for the freedom to live and laugh and love…so we hope we can sort it out and then my husband comes home safe and sound. ‘Cause if they hurt HIM they are going to have ME to deal with…

Even if he DID forget me for Xmas.

Heyyyy how was your Christmas?? Mine was …eh…you know the "eh" you make when your too bored to even let go and piss….just sort of slack jawed and shrugging. That was mine personally, not mine as in watching my kids who had a wonderful time. My husband, it seems, who can manage to order and ship gifts to the children apparently completely forgot that he could do the same for his wife who is doing the whole show at home on her own. Did he get Christmas gifts all the way over there in the sandbox? Shit yes…and 4 cases of goodies to try and brighten his holidays. But I suppose there was some deal in the back of his mind where he would get or do something when he got home…in fucking APRIL. I had thought he’d gotten past treating his wife like an afterthought. Mea Culpa - I should have SPELLED IT OUT to him - "Don’t Forget You Have a Wife Who Doesn’t Buy Her Own Christmas Gifts." He got a portable DVD player, a new saddle, books, clothes, art from the kids, and very expenisve headphones. I got bupkus. Again.

I hope the boys take after me.

The kids however had a marvelous time complete with gaping jaws, shining eyes, shrieks and squeals of glee. This sort of made up for being forgotten on Christmas morning by the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. The children remembered me of course; those who were old enough to shop at the school "Santa Shop" and they went ALL out for their $2 on every gift (no sarcasm here I promise - they really did spend as much as they had to spend on ME and I am touched beyond belief). I got a pretty little necklace and earrings from ThingTwo and ThingOne bought me a #1 Mom laser cut keychain. VERY Nice.  They were so proud of thier purchases and I made a big deal out of each. ThingThree is too little to do this so I made sure he was given the opportunity to "shop" when we were at a local retailer so I got a set of pajamas out of the deal which he grins about very time he sees me in them. It’s cool. So they learn the joy of giving rather than the art of forgetting or assuming.

My very favorite moments? We got a little quad for ThingThree - you know one of those one step up from Fisher Price things that runs on a battery and can support him until he’s 10 or so…I draped it in a cloth after assembling it (that’s a post all on it’s own about how the foriegn manufacturers express their disdain for Americans through their poorly worded assembly instructions). He was told to pull the cover off while I video taped him for Daddy and he got all googly eyed after getting the cover off. I asked him what it was and who it was for and he replied "A quad - it’s daddy’s" and I said that it was HIS and he SHRIEKED "For MEE?????!!!???" and hopped on. Well nothing else would be acceptable until we opened the garage and let him spin down the driveway and away across the front lawn. After buzzing around for 15 mintues he stopped it with this SMOKING look over his shoulder (I swore I saw vapor coming out of his ears) and he said "CAN I KEEP THIS!?!?!?!" and I said "Sure buddy it’s yours." and he WOOOHOOOOOOD and took off again. That rocked. ThingTwo got the digital camera and Robotic Toy (no plugging for free here folks) and HIS response was "This is like the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER ‘cause I got everything I ever dreamed of!" and he can be found laying back in all of his electronic shwag with an "I just humped the neighbor’s daughter" look on his face at any time of day. Rocks again. ThingOne got the Ninetendo DS he’s been pleading for (because he did manage to pass all of his classes after nearly failing 4 - his progress report was GRIM - VERY grim). He’s been happily plugging away at a doggie type program raising a puppy and training it. He’s been grins and sunshine which - for anyone who raises a pre-pubescent or on the cusp of puberty type lad - is amazing. Rocks cubed…

And to top it off we were able to get some serious shwag for our daughter who lives with Gotrocks the Stepfather and MoneyBags Mom so our gifts have NEVER really been as impressive as the ones she got THERE (though she has always understood and been gracious - a rarer child you will never find). We got her everything she put on her list to us which included some fairly pricey items and she waited to open her gifts until she was on the phone with me so I got to hear the "OHMAGAWDOHMAGAWDOHMAGAWD!!!" when she opened the particularly coveted items…Rocks a-million.

So all in all Christmas was a great day for the kids and vicariously for me. I just wish that someone ELSE found it in their hearts to try and make MINE as important to HIM as I made HIS to ME. Y’know???

I don’t care WHO you are this $hit is fuckin’ funny.

Someone emailed me with this picture they found and they subtitled it "Guess Who’s Walking?" and then captioned the shot "I left Dana with Dave since she’s been walking lately and I am stressed over having to chase her. Shop On! Dave couldn’t find the baby bouncy I guess but that didn’t seem to be an issue."

Dave - wherever you are - I love you and I want to have your babies.

They say (who THEY are is quite beyond me) that self-preservation is the strongest survival instinct and it is an instinct shared by all living creatures.

Clearly when you were collecting your bits and pieces before entering life as we know it you skipped the instinct booth at Cat Fair ‘cause you posess a lower I.Q. than a box of fucking hammers.

I was aware that you had been abused by other cats at your former home when I volunteered to take your happy human loving ass in. I was under the impression (because the shit-head told me) that it was because you were afraid of other cats and that the other cats were very aggressive.

LIELIELIE - YOU are the aggressive shit and my quiet, adoring, hungering for companionship tiny-kitty has had ENOUGH of your crap. NOW you are getting your ass kicked at every opportunity ‘cause you don’t hiss someone’s shit down in their own pad. If you’d have just calmed the fuck down you’d have had a friend for life. Now it’s game on asshole, ‘cause my Egyptian Queen is a sistuh and she’s gonna fuck YOUR shit up - always.

I also don’t care for you attempting to kick the crap out of my slumbering dog. He’s innocent AND stupid. Leave him alone. He’s not the slightest bit interested in YOUR hairy hams.

"She’s always outside because she’s so afraid of the other cats"

FUCK YOU! She’s always outside because she LOATHES other cats and refuses to use a CLEAN litter box because some cat back in the Dark Ages crapped in it and she can still tell. She’d MUCH rather use my basket of laundered and folded laundry, the throw rug in front of my bathtub, the shower stall, my son’s coat left on the floor, or say…my husband’s pillow.

Here’s a Memo to the CAT - Using my husband’s pillow as a litter box will NOT gain you your very own gold plated litter box that we will kindly-keep-our-Nubian-Goddess-Out-Of-Thank-You-Very-Much. It will however gain you INSTANT (and on-a-trajectory-that-a-SCUD-missile-would-envy) access to full time outdoors-hood. This being winter is yet another clue that self-preservation just aint a notion that you cotton to you fucking MORON!

And lastly - growling at ME when I attempt to lift you and put you somewhere WARM because it’s freezing…bad move.

"Hello Stupid Cat Police? I have a cat that’s stupid beyond the legal limit…"

Several adverts in the paper and online and I still have a stupid cat on my premises. Today I take her to the local no-kill shelter. I feel bad because she’s going to be psychotic with all those animals all around her up, down, and sideways which will SERIOUSLY decrease the chances she has of every finding a happy home but the urinating and the violence - I can not take it anymore.

Hasta la Vista Baby.

After all the hate and discontent I’ve been sharing lately I thought maybe I should drop a small smidge of holiday cheer in here. People may think I’m off my Prozac or somethng LOL…

It’s cute and by cute I mean CUTE so people with allergies to CUTE needn’t bother and if you DO and it makes you scream - YOU clicked the link stupid!

Merry Christmas!

Eighteen days to christmas - hoo-fucking-rah…my card’s been swiped so many times in the past week the bitch is raw…and I am sure to still get some hate and discontent on Christmas morning. ThingOne decided that SURELY Mom was not SERIOUS when she said "Pass all your classes or kiss that Nintendo DS dream goodbye."

*watches as son’s dream goes flitting out the fucking window*

Guess who is failing 4 classes? Guess who has one and one half weeks to fix it? Guess who’s going to get a SERIOUS ‘tude on Christmas morning because pulling your balls up through your sinus cavities is easier (and probably less painful) than pulling a 61 average up to a 70 average in one and a half weeks?

In the spirit of anticipating a suckazz Christmas morning - Y’know I hate it when a kid goes and blows what I was really looking forward to. Husband and I worked HARD to save up for some really seriously special shit this year…damn…anyway…in the spirit - I am going to share a list of pet peeves that have been walked ALL over in the past few weeks. I’m just going to go on and get ‘em out so when ThingOne does do the GOTH MOOD crap next to the tree while I am trying to get my joy on…I don’t verbally blow the back of his head off over OTHER PEOPLE’S SHIT.

Y’know what pisses me off?

1) My husband and I decided (well more him than me I kind of just decided to go along with it) that he was going to go and volunteer for a tour of duty in Iraq. He saw the pictures of those little kids finally going to school, mobbing the Marines for candy with big smiles on their faces, and he heard about the crazy ass shit that Saddam did to "his peeps". He thought he should go do even his small part or he would always regret not standing up for the cause. He’s an idealistic sort but I did marry him for his values as well as his sweet sweet ass. So he’s there, we’re here, and why the FUCK do people want to tell me (after they hear my husband is deployed) that this war is all about oil and Mr. Prez getting some back for Saddam ordering a hit on Big Daddy? You know what? Right or Wrong, this dude is the fucking PRESIDENT and my husband and I are both loyal to the Commander in Chief as he stands in the office. My husband is doing as he is being ordered to and I don’t want or need to hear your crack smoking theory on why Big Dubya sent our boys over there. As a matter of fact here’s a clue - When I want to hear from an asshole I’ll fart…k? K….

2) If your kid can’t control himself and is constantly kicking the shit out of one or more of his siblings and seems to be unaturally fascinated (actually he’s obsessed) with guns and all things having to do with guns, WHY the FUCK do you buy him MORE violent video games???? How does a five year old who is bored out of his fucking two cell mind unless he can either play with a gun or build one out of leggos to play with suit-cha? It’s all about the laser sights and the scope and the double barrelled this or that…he’s fucking FIVE and could  probably break down, clean, and reassemble a rifle in the dark, naked…in grease paint. All I hear about is "Ops" and "Licensed to Kill", and "I got me a sniper rifle with a SCOPE." GAH…The kid doesn’t know his entire freakin’ alphabet yet but he knows the grain value of his ammo fer chrissakes. When he doesn’t listen to you telling him to stay out of the back of the truck and he grabs Baby-Daddy’s shotgun and blows his sister’s head off with it because he can’t tell where reality begins and fantasy ends please don’t ask me to come to the fucking funeral.

3) It’s your WIFE that should take some sort of priority asshole. Stop having your family in and out, sleeping over and eating the fridge empty, wiping snot on the freaking walls, and smelling up the joint because they don’t bathe. Your family is making my sister fucking insane. Make it stop and STOP telling her "they already are made to feel unwelcome because you aren’t happy to see them, don’t make it worse by asking me to make them go." You’re already on borrowed fucking time you two timing piece of shit. Let my sister have some peace in her own home and tell your fat fucking brother to get his own fucking life (and some balls while he’s at it so he can maybe kick his skank wife out with her 2 out of 3 illegit. kids she foisted on his sorry ass).

4) If I jump down the throat of a teacher I think is treating my child unreasonably (as he has done before), don’t try to sweet talk me with your eminently reasonable gentle Georgia Peach crap and then try to tell me to talk to YOU about it first NEXT time "’cause your husband is a Yank and you can take it when he’s blunt". Fuck you candy-ass. He made my kid cry and singled him out over a fucking FORM that wasn’t even due yet. The form was MY responsibility and he made it my kid’s issue. My kid who already HAs a boxful of issues. Fucking Anal-Retentive Over Achieving Needle Dick Ass-Wad with a Master’s Degree…what the fuck did he get if his whole class turned it in four days before the due date? A fucking tin whistle? Oh and this aint no "Yank talking" sweetheart, this is called Pissed Off Mama - Real Life Style. While you were attending finishing school before your debutante ball I was kicking some debutantes ass behind the gym. Fuck you.

5) Hey, I have an idea! Let’s NOT teach your toddler that digging around in her nose -spelunking for brain cells or whatever - is NOT fucking funny. She’s wiping the shit she finds on my couch.

6) Here’s another idea! Let’s also not teach the little darling to slap so she can hear ya scream which makes HER laugh ok???? I am tired of getting my face slapped by a laughing toddler when it takes everything I have the FIRST time she does it NOT to slap her happy ass back. Slapping Daycare Provider Bad - Slapping Toddler Bad - Slapping Mommy GOOD! Slap the little twit next time she does it and I personally guarantee LOTS fewer calls to the office when she’s in Pre-K.

7) Teach your child NOT to get into everyone’s business all the time. I am tired of answering Who What Where When Or WHY questions about every facet of my day and my personal decisions. I am tired of having to give the kid the fish eye to remind her that it’s none of her FUCKING business every ten minutes. She’s not MY kid so why don’t you step up to the plate and teach her some good old fashioned FUCKING MANNERS.

Aahhh I think that’s it. There now. Don’t you feel better? I know I do.

These are thoughts that have been floating around in my head and causing me to mutter venomously to myself. I thought that especially around this time of year it might be best to get them out and stop the "muttering darkly" thing before my clients stop bringing their kids by…

1.) A scenario: A woman - has three kids & opens a Daycare. To date, one of her three kids has (a) refused to listen and fucked around under the desk until the fully loaded desk DRAWER collapsed on her and crushed her nose causing a gusher (b) refused to listen and did SOMETIHNG unknown with a KNIFE and sliced the webbing between her thumb and forefinger so badly she was again gushing blood and this time required an emergency room trip, stitches, yadda yadda. Same woman has thus far managed to leave her toddler in the pickup truck unattended in the 90 degree summer weather for at LEAST 15 minutes. Yes…in the driveway alone in the vehicle. Luckliy the door was open but sheesh…and why? ‘cause she went inside with her other two kids and FORGOT THE BABY WAS STILL IN THE CAR! The point of all this? She opened a Daycare folks…need I go on? That bothers me.

2.) The Spirit of GETTING. It’s Xmas and for some reason despite my best efforts my kids are all ultra fixated on what they are GETTING rather than excited over what they are GIVING. Two years ago they had a wonderful time shopping for a family we adopted for the holidays, imagining the reactions of each child and adult over the gifts we were buying and wrapping. Last year they each shopped secretly with their own money and then hid their gifts to be wrapped on a secret day in a secret way and they had a BLAST. The eyes shining THAT Xmas were all over the reactions of their family members to what they had handpicked, paid for, and wrapped all on their own. They had to be reminded to open what they were holding because they were too busy watching others open THIERS. This year it’s WHINE about what Mommy is buying THAT brother or MOAN about the state of their CURRENT toys and how come THIS guy gets THAT cool new toy? I’m fucking cancelling Xmas.

3.) Gushing - Sister in Law GUSHING about the newest baby in the family about how she is SOOO absoutely head over heels about this baby and has NEVER felt this way about a niece or nephew before and he is just SOOO wonderful and "something about him" wahh wahh wahwahwahhhhh… I know you bitch. NOTHING has "moved you more", ever, than yourself and as far as you are concerned if the universe isn’t revolving around your flabby ass, something has gone unfair and wrong. Your’e all talk and busy trying to impress people with the fact that you aren’t a C**T since I called you on being a lying ass bitch and a fucking troublemaker…and it scared you that nobody wanted to alienate ME over it but rather told YOU that I had some valid points. So now we use a baby, an innocent, to try and look good. Fuck you.

3)"Free Spirit" - Hey sweetheart, if I put myself out to be there for you…you know…watch your kid regardless of the fact that I have to take my own to the doctor because YOU have no reliable alternate care…could you PLEASE leave the free spirit Christ’s Child thing at home??? When I ask "Can you drop the baby off BY 8:00 am?" and you say YES that means BY 8:00 am not around or as soon AFTER 8:00 am. That means make dropping this kid off a fucking priority, move your selfish ass out of control brood out the fucking door with the toe of your fucking shoe if you need to and get to my house ON FUCKING TIME. I am already going to be late because I am going out of my way for YOU…don’t be a platinum plated fucktard and screw me even further. Thanks.

4) Control Freak - your kid has had to go to the emergency room twice already with a dislocated elbow and I KNOW you hate it when your environment leaves your control zone. You can’t even let your eldest kid walk out the door without an outfit put together and approved by you. Don’t LET me find out that the toddler’s elbow went out of joint NOT simply because she was "playing on the monkey bars and jumped" or "doing GAWD knows what and all of a sudden….". If I suspect that you grabbed and dragged this kid by the arm causing a dislocation your ass is talking to the county. Nobody’s life is 100% under their control. Others have minds and opinions from your adult all grown up capable husband to your kids. You can NOT control them so knock it off. If you can’t control your mouth or your temper what do you imagine would give you the right to control the lives and choices of others? The poor kid cries when I look at her sternly for unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper…what’s THAT? I said "No No" to her the other day for taking off her own pull-up during nap time and she practically dissolved. I’ll be watching you.

There now. Maybe I’ll stop acting sinister…but then again maybe not. Either way I made the effort and I for one feel better. You just can’t go around laying people out verbally around the holidays. It ain’t POLITE LOL.

Have a day.

Me and my…shit…I get bored so I go to read some of my favorite bitches and first one I hit is a MANBITCH (well I really do like the guy so he should consider it a compliment that I call him MANBITCH ‘cause bitches are my FAVORITE people). I got freakin’ TAGGED! GAH! So here I am…a fucking MEME on my hands:

Life Meme  (HUGE shout out to Creative Dad) - THANKS BITCH!!! ROFL

1. What time is it? 20 minutes to HELL:O’CLOCK. - kids due home from school; 9 of ‘em.

2. What is your full name? Our Lady of The Iron Underpants (or so my son’s assume)

3. What are you most afraid of? Outliving ANY of my children.

4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a theater? Pirates of the Caribbean Two and STILL pissed off over the last 30 minutes.

5. Have you ever seen a ghost? By definition shouldn’t those dudes be like…transparent?

6. Where were you born? *sigh* I hate this one - in a hospital.

7. Ever been to Alaska? No but that WOULD be a cool destination.

8. Ever been toilet papering? No - I grew up in the Nazi Home for Underprivileged Girls. No Outside at Night, Curfew at dark. I was even too smart to go papering in the broad daylight way back then.

9.Loved someone so much it made you cry? Still do.

10. Been in a serious car accident? Oh Hell to the yeah.

11 Do you plan to have any more Children? FUCK. NO.

12. Favorite day of the week? Friday

13. Favorite Restaurant? Due Torri (New York - Italian cuisine - pricey but nicey)

14. Favorite Flower? Lavender

15. Favorite color? Blue

16. Favorite sport to watch? My husband - trying to remove his foot from his mouth while standing.

17. Favorite Drink? Bailey’s Irish Cream

18. Favorite Ice Cream? Rum Raisin

19. Favorite fast food restaurant? Does Chinese Food count if they cook it ultra-quick?

20. What color is your bedroom carpet? Ee gad…I think it was called "wicker". A light beige with flecks of cinnamon, black, and brown (minute flecks) VERY shaggy cool texture.

21. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? 0

22. What do you do when you are bored? Apparently it’s filling out MEMEs

23. What time is your bedtime? As soon as freaking possible.

24. Favorite TV shows? Dead Black Screen - I hate TV

25. What are you most grateful for? opposable thumbs ‘cause it’s all gravy from there aint it?

26. What are you listening to right now? A 15 month old gagging as she tries to sleep through her dripping head cold.

27. How many pets do you have? umm *does mental finger count* 6

28. Which came first the chicken or the egg? One would assume it was the Rooster actually ‘cause if the rooster don’t - nobody does - savvy?

29. What would you like to accomplish before you die? Everything on my list.

Tag- If you want to try any of these, just leave a comment. I’ll link to you here.

Last night my neighbor called me with an odd request - to please make some sort of deal with him where his son watched my kids while I take HIS kid to a masquerade party up at her school. Now this sounds pretty innocuous right? Well if you don’t know this guy it is, so I’ll give you that…however…he also starts waffling about…"Well…I go back to night shift and my boss…" - I mean complete with dotdotdot between - and I know this guy - he’s praying that YOU will fill in his dotdots with "my boss is a fucking chowderhead and won’t give me the time off to spend with my little girl." I however KNOW the neighbor. Let’s try this instead - "I really don’t want to have to ask for time off for something as silly as this. I wouldn’t be caught dead even showing up at one of these girlie things much less spend hours there."

Now go ahead and nuke me with that top o’ the right corner X if I’m wrong but…ummm dude…this is YOUR kid. You refuse to take her to the local theme park - EVER…other people in the neighborhood have to because you can’t stand waiting in lines while she rides the rides and you hate how she gets hyper. You refuse to go to the movie theater because the seats are uncomfortable. If she wants ANY hope of being "one with the others" and seeing a movie BEFORE it’s out on DVD and the kids are three generations in new movies ahead of her - OTHERS have to take her. No fairs (too much walking around and she gets hyper), no school events (such as this party), and no days with just her simply because she’s your kid. Oh it’s not like you don’t adore her, I know you do - she’s otherwise spoiled and loved and cuddled but on YOUR terms and what doesn’t make YOU uncomfortable or inconvenienced.

Well your shit is starting to inconvenience ME.

I’ve taken this child to several festivals, fairs, holiday events, out for dinner, and to the theme park. I’ve frequently done it on my own cash too because you WILL send her with an entry fee to the theme park (but forget she needs to eat or drink or MAY want to buy a small trinket), or you just flat send her with NOTHING and if I take her AND want her to get in (rather than leave her in the car with the window down three inches and a bowl of water available I suppose), I have to pony up the sheckles.

She’s NOT MY KID! Oh I find her nice and though a bit hyper (FUCK! If YOU only got to go anywhere as rarely as SHE did wouldn’t YOU get a little over-stimulated???), and kind of wearing (she doesn’t listen terribly well) but she’s affectionate and always grateful.

Show some fucking spleen man…you and your ex HAD this child - you wanted custody ALL the time (that means for Fairy Princess Puffy Pants Parties too dude!) so GO WITH HER! I’m in the OTHER boat and I can do this. The football games, karate lessons, endless Cubscout meetings with knots and fire making and learning how to use a pocket knife *GAH*, long hours waiting in a corner and drooling with boredom while the nearly pubescent-male tries on EVERY pair of pants in the ENtire store because they all look "too girlie" - as if the pants confer the balls…

Dude if I can do this so can you. Don’t call a female neighbor (at this point you are wondering aloud if one or the other of your OTHER two female neighbors will take her - you aren’t wondering if any of the DADDY’S on the block will and a couple of them have daughters that will be there WITH their Daddy’s.).

If you can hit a bar and then take a 24 year old home and tap ass (and NOT feel stupid or maybe a little uncomfortable at the thought that she might ONLY be throwing you a fucking leg because she is too drunk to care that you are (a) overweight (b) old enough to be her fucking FATHER, or (c) just plain crude and this promises to be a disgusting one nighter ONLY and you won’t want conversation afterwards…EVER.)…you can certainly take your little girl to the school party on a Tuesday night. Instead you’d rather ask ME to get one of my MALE relatives to take MY SON to his Cubscout meeting so I can take YOUR DAUGHTER to her party.

Or are YOU afraid you may bump into something you fucked one night while the BOTH of you were hammered and she’ll want to talk to you? In front of your little girl? And make references to having "known" you? ‘Cause you sex up very very YOUNG women with zero in the brain pan?

Whatever dude…deal with it, take your own kid to her party, after long thought during my nightly review of my day I decided this was bogus. I am not making any effort to make your life easier if you can’t "man up" and be truthful. Go rent a sprarkly pair of tights and hit the medieval party with your little girl. We’ll ALL remember the evening and your daughter will feel like her father really DOES care.