Whoduhthunkit!?

1) Husband came home from Iraq for 2 weeks of leave…I had someone things that needed doing.

2) My mother in law went back into the hospital. THIS time it was a stomach bleeder that was caused by doctors who do not communicate with her and all try to throw miracle cures down her throat at the same time. Medicine A did not like Medicine B and they ganged up on her stomach to eat a hole in it that required 5 whole new units of blood after she crapped what could only be described as wet coffee grounds into the toilet which was a sure sign she’s been bleeding internally…heavily.

3) My sister in law, brother in law, and baby in law all came to town. I had fat thighs to admire (not my own) and baby smells (the fresh ones) to snuffle.

4) The "family ass-hat" known as one of my OTHER sister in law was ALSO in town being VERY mature (read as "leaving any room I was in because she just COULDN’T be in a room with someone who pegged her as being a liar TO HER FACE") so I had to schedule my time with my mother in law (and others in laws) around HER FAT ASS.

5) My youngest was sick - We have changed his name from Houdini to "Vomit Sprinkler" Who the hell ever heard of a kid who pukes and flings his head from side to side at the same time?!?!?!?!?

6) My middle guy got sick - any suprises when he lives with the VOMIT SPRINKLER. I am GOOD at clean but not THAT good - a germ got away from me…

7) I got sick (again with the "suprised?")

8) My middle guy joined Cubscouts. There should be a form that you sign which swears and affirms that you have NO OTHER LIFE and wish to forever and hencefroth be defined as "Troop ###’s <insertnamehere>" ‘cause you aren’t going to have a weekend for the rest of your natural life that does NOT involve the scouts.

9) I took 2 classes to get my C.E.U. credits required to run a certified and professional Daycare. I can now say with 100% self assurance that if your kid chokes or loses a limb I can give an A+ job of being first aid or CPR helpful until EMTs arrive. I scored 100’s on all my exams and got invited to become an instructor. Sorry no can do I have boyscouts…

10) My husband returned to Iraq which means that once again 1+0 must = 2 somehow and I regret to inform the cubscouts that I neglected to clone myself which renders me completely incapable of being in two places at once..but they have my middle son which means they hold my heart and soul captive. Those huge green eyes welling with tears because he can’t attend a meeting and may not get a badge means scouts win. Thus far Cubscouts 8 Me 2 (I refuse to attend if HE is puking or I am). This unfortunately also means that it’s Scouts 8 Blog 0 *sigh*

11) I had nothing, zero, zilch, nada…nothing…that I felt was worth writing about in the "haze post worked to death" fug I call my life. Not fugue…FUG.

12) My sister and I ganged up and bought my mother a laptop with accessories for Xmas (DUDE she’s getting a DELL!) because my mother rocks and deserves all the best I can sweat out in overtime for her. I have been babysitting and cutting corners to earn the extra shells required to pay for this item but the absolute stunned joy on her face on Christmas Morn will be SOOOOOO worth it.

13) I have found a new calling - herbal lifestyle. I am tired of medicine for this and medicine for that and after attending a lecture where a physician and a pharmacist told the entire group (after being questioned) that YES nearly 100% of the pharmaceuticals we pay an arm and a leg and an ass cheek for come from natural herbs to begin with and anyone who wanted to educate themselves COULD live without 90% of the OTC crap we guzzle I decided to become educated. I have been digesting any book on natrual remedies my eyeballs lit upon. The upside is while everyone in the daycare, most of the kids at school, and many of the parents I associate with are sick with head colds, upper respiratory problems, and general fatigue - my kids and I are disgustingly healthy and glowing. I also found a remedy for the sour stomach my middle guy gets as a side effect from his ADHD meds. GO ME! So all in all…I have been cramming like a senior in college to change our lives.

There you have it internet. I have been gone but you have not been forgotten. I love you all and miss you all and have been reading YOUR blogs because they work well with herbal remedies as a way to keep me smiling. I’m back and hope to be more regular again…’cause I love you and because I am HERBAL FRESH!!!