Whoduhthunkit!?

I think I’ve found a way to intrigue my kids into a constant state of clean…give them their own personal bar of soap that they helped you make and tell them that after they use it they may put it in it’s little bag and HIDE IT!

Kids are natural misers and the idea that they have something that nobody else does AND they don’t have to share it has them burbling like little Renfield’s ER HRRR ER HRRRR ER HRRRR…

This weekend I spent an entire day on soapmaking. This was a new venture for me and I wanted to see if it was (a) expensive (b) boring (c) hard or (d) pointless. I am pleased to say that it is none of the above. It can easily be done (if you use the method I did which was sort of a "cheat") in the background of your day while you get other things done. Not only did I come up with 20 bars fo soap that smell delicious enough to eat (and the TEXTURE oh these things ROCK!), but I also made the house smell amazing AND got to watch my kids gloat over their "personal clean" every 20 minutes. Grand total this venture ended up costing me roughly $.88 per bar, not bad says I. I also says "Wonder if I could SELLS these yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck."

These bars are made with lavender and I can not begin to describe how tempting it is to taste one. After I pop them out of the mold the kids and I can not resist putting the very glassy smooth side up to our noses and that lovely earthy/lavender/almost buttery scent makes it an effort to not just take one little bite. Sick eh? You have to experience it to understand what I am saying.

I know - enough already, how do ya do it???

Go to a good craft store, no plugs for craft stores here I am not gettin ‘paid. Pick up glycerin soap chunks in a five pound bag. I don’t get the clear ones I get those that are more opaque because I’ve been told that the clear ones don’t suspend herbs as well. I also pick up either cocoa butter or vitamin E oil. One also hopes that by now you’ve decided which herb you are going to put into your soap (if any, you could simply put in some scent and some color for fun). Pick up the scent of choice (I chose lavender since I will be using lavender blossoms and heating them sometimes dissipates the scent of the natural bloom.). You’ll also need a mold, shape of your choice. For your first venture I recommend only one mold tray. Now that I have done soap once I know I want at least two trays total since I dislike waiting an hour between batches.

You can do this whole thing in your microwave so no fancy soap pots needed, don’t let them sell it to you with their slick pictures and fancy advertising. The only "concession" I made was to buy a LARGE plastic measuring cup/mixing bowl that had a handle and pour spout (It’s called a batter bowl) so I could melt, mix, and then easily pour into the molds.

RIGHT HERE is where you soak your dried herbs (if using dry) in a measuring cup (1/2 cup lavender blossoms for me) with a touch of water added. The DRY herbs sinply float to the surface. I soaked my first batch for one hour until well hydrated. Each subsequent batch soaked for the hour I had to wait for the first batch to cure before popping it out of the mold.

I approximate that each bar mold takes roughly 4 chunks so I melted a total of 16 chunks by setting it for 30 seconds at a pop on high. I ALSO added my herbs BEFORE melting so that they would be a part of the melting process which served to color, scent, release precious natural oils, and further SOAK the herbs. I would stir (or swirl) and check after every 30 seconds. Once I was sure that a longer setting wouldn’t burn my soap I went to 1 minute at a pop but for now go slow. Keep going until all of your soap chunks are melted and then add your additives. For me it is 16 drops of vitamin E oil (careful this stuff is HEAVY so you only need 1 drop per ounce of melted soap), and 32 drops of lavender essential oil. Mix well and then pour into your molds. Make sure you have your molds somewhere that you can leave them for awhile. Moving your molds while the soap is still shmooshy results in lumpy or wavy soap.

It takes an hour to cure properly but hey that sure beats the one week process for a TRUE homemeade soap which starts with lye and fat etc. I may actually try that over my Christmas vacation since I will have days and days with no daycare kids here.

Pop those bad boys out of the mold by simply pressing on the backside of the mold with your thumb after turning it upside down over a table or counter. It’s that easy, the soap never once stuck to the mold on me. I bagged them in pretty cello-bags and put ribbons on them because my intention is to make two other kinds and then give them as part of a natural herb gift basket.

So next batch will be lemon verbena and then after that…I don’t know, I haven’t decided…I am thinking either rose or eucalyptus…or maybe one without any herb matter in it, simply colored and scented. the possibilities are endless it seems LOL. I enjoyed it though and the kids did as well. You really should try it. It makes a thoughtful and handsome Christmas present made with their own two hands too!

Oh and I have a favorite hot blog I read like religious text. I vote him an official Honorary Net Whore and Jennster (Our Honorary Empress of Net Whoredom) would just LOVE this guy AND his Hotwife.

If your’e down, and he frequently is (dunno why if I was this funny I’d be talking to myself CONSTANTLY) go on over to Dad Gone Mad and make yourself feel better. I know I intro’d this guy before but it bears repeating (much like Jennster’s name LOL). Fucking. Funny. Period.

1) Husband came home from Iraq for 2 weeks of leave…I had someone things that needed doing.

2) My mother in law went back into the hospital. THIS time it was a stomach bleeder that was caused by doctors who do not communicate with her and all try to throw miracle cures down her throat at the same time. Medicine A did not like Medicine B and they ganged up on her stomach to eat a hole in it that required 5 whole new units of blood after she crapped what could only be described as wet coffee grounds into the toilet which was a sure sign she’s been bleeding internally…heavily.

3) My sister in law, brother in law, and baby in law all came to town. I had fat thighs to admire (not my own) and baby smells (the fresh ones) to snuffle.

4) The "family ass-hat" known as one of my OTHER sister in law was ALSO in town being VERY mature (read as "leaving any room I was in because she just COULDN’T be in a room with someone who pegged her as being a liar TO HER FACE") so I had to schedule my time with my mother in law (and others in laws) around HER FAT ASS.

5) My youngest was sick - We have changed his name from Houdini to "Vomit Sprinkler" Who the hell ever heard of a kid who pukes and flings his head from side to side at the same time?!?!?!?!?

6) My middle guy got sick - any suprises when he lives with the VOMIT SPRINKLER. I am GOOD at clean but not THAT good - a germ got away from me…

7) I got sick (again with the "suprised?")

8) My middle guy joined Cubscouts. There should be a form that you sign which swears and affirms that you have NO OTHER LIFE and wish to forever and hencefroth be defined as "Troop ###’s <insertnamehere>" ‘cause you aren’t going to have a weekend for the rest of your natural life that does NOT involve the scouts.

9) I took 2 classes to get my C.E.U. credits required to run a certified and professional Daycare. I can now say with 100% self assurance that if your kid chokes or loses a limb I can give an A+ job of being first aid or CPR helpful until EMTs arrive. I scored 100’s on all my exams and got invited to become an instructor. Sorry no can do I have boyscouts…

10) My husband returned to Iraq which means that once again 1+0 must = 2 somehow and I regret to inform the cubscouts that I neglected to clone myself which renders me completely incapable of being in two places at once..but they have my middle son which means they hold my heart and soul captive. Those huge green eyes welling with tears because he can’t attend a meeting and may not get a badge means scouts win. Thus far Cubscouts 8 Me 2 (I refuse to attend if HE is puking or I am). This unfortunately also means that it’s Scouts 8 Blog 0 *sigh*

11) I had nothing, zero, zilch, nada…nothing…that I felt was worth writing about in the "haze post worked to death" fug I call my life. Not fugue…FUG.

12) My sister and I ganged up and bought my mother a laptop with accessories for Xmas (DUDE she’s getting a DELL!) because my mother rocks and deserves all the best I can sweat out in overtime for her. I have been babysitting and cutting corners to earn the extra shells required to pay for this item but the absolute stunned joy on her face on Christmas Morn will be SOOOOOO worth it.

13) I have found a new calling - herbal lifestyle. I am tired of medicine for this and medicine for that and after attending a lecture where a physician and a pharmacist told the entire group (after being questioned) that YES nearly 100% of the pharmaceuticals we pay an arm and a leg and an ass cheek for come from natural herbs to begin with and anyone who wanted to educate themselves COULD live without 90% of the OTC crap we guzzle I decided to become educated. I have been digesting any book on natrual remedies my eyeballs lit upon. The upside is while everyone in the daycare, most of the kids at school, and many of the parents I associate with are sick with head colds, upper respiratory problems, and general fatigue - my kids and I are disgustingly healthy and glowing. I also found a remedy for the sour stomach my middle guy gets as a side effect from his ADHD meds. GO ME! So all in all…I have been cramming like a senior in college to change our lives.

There you have it internet. I have been gone but you have not been forgotten. I love you all and miss you all and have been reading YOUR blogs because they work well with herbal remedies as a way to keep me smiling. I’m back and hope to be more regular again…’cause I love you and because I am HERBAL FRESH!!!